


I'll be here for you in the silence of my heart

by muffin_reverie



Series: Catalyst defined in a relationship [2]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffin_reverie/pseuds/muffin_reverie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His heart makes a little giddy turn, and Joshua Matthews can no longer deny that he is undeniably harboring an emotion that comfortably sits beyond the borders of romantic affections, one more than anything else in the spectrum of feelings that a boy may have for a girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be here for you in the silence of my heart

Joshua Matthews may be 18 and mature for his age with a gentlemanly decorum and wise words from his expansive knowledge, but he knows that he is simply terrible when it comes to matters of the heart – or the person in question who apparently, to his utmost suspicion despite his moments of defiance, holds his very heart.  
  
He sits by the quieter corner of Topanga’s, nursing a hot chocolate, with a book in his free hand, but his attention is beyond the visage of words and phrases. Instead, his concentration is rather much focused on the blonde-haired girl who is sitting at the lounge chair with her friends, including his niece, and laughing about something or another. A smile touches his lips at the sound of her laughter, the way it chimes in unadulterated amusement and indisputable delight. Josh allows his gaze to shift a little and he finds it to be a wrong move to make when he catches sight of the very girl who has his complete attention, placing her arm around Farkle’s shoulders. He feels a little twist within him but disregards it and feigns disinterest. Josh knows that the group’s relationship is purely platonic, at least for now.  
  
He has heard things, and mostly from a very reliable source; said source being Topanga Matthews. Apparently Farkle has long harbored an interest in both his niece, Riley, and of course – Maya Hart. While Maya and Riley had been joined at the hip, similar to a pair of Siamese twins, from the moment they first met, Farkle Minkus was the additional appendage that stuck between and with them from first grade. He was, and still is, their confidant and comrade, and one whom Maya appears to be equally fond of despite her more frequent displays of aversion. It’s the disparity between her aversion and protectiveness – he heard from Topanga about the time she wanted to give a beating to the boy who told Farkle that the socially-awkward genius was nothing and said boy was at least a head and half taller than her – that brings on a confusion for Josh. Still, it’s also that fiercely loyal spirit of hers, and a dash of her own zest of boldness, that draw from him a sense of admiration for the girl.  
  
He doesn’t think of Farkle as much of a threat though, if the boy had been trying for years but Maya never caved in, surely that counts much of her disinterest of any romantic notion with Farkle.  
  
Josh swallows hard at the thought and looks away. He returns his attention to his book, mentally berating himself. He thinks he is being ridiculous to even place the 14 year old boy as competition; it isn’t that Josh doesn’t respect Farkle to consider him as one, it is mostly on the fact that he is trying to compete for something, or someone, that he doesn’t even want to admit his feelings for. Taking one last drink from his mug, Josh quickly stands up and without a word, he leaves the café, carefully slipping out of the doors without notice.  
  
He tries to straighten his thoughts with a deep inhale of breath, taking in the late afternoon air, but all Josh can think of is how much he actually wants to be in Topanga’s instead of out here in the heat. Shaking his head, Josh soldiers on and doesn’t take a look back – he knows he will cave in if he takes so much of a peek over his shoulder.  
  
The next time Josh stumbles into the group again is in the early summer that leads to their high school freshman year and he is in Central Park, just finishing his second jog around the park. Panting, he slows his steps by one of the corners of the lake, and that is when he sees Maya first – her sky blue eyes lighting up with the summer sun, a picture of blissful innocence, as she gleefully crouches down low to ruffle a Samoyed’s fur in the head. The owners, a middle-aged couple, appear to be talking to Riley and Farkle, while Lucas follows Maya’s lead. Josh watches the two share a conversation of their own, likely about the large fluffy white dog between them, and he dismisses the rising feeling of uneasiness in his throat. He knows that while things may be a little complicated of what appears to be a relationship triangle between Riley, Maya and Lucas, both Maya and Lucas are still just friends.  
  
At least that was what Shawn told him just two weeks before summer was to begin and Josh’s high school years came to a close. He had been sitting with Shawn by the kitchen counter of his home – it was just like Shawn to be a big brother figure for him when Cory isn’t around, when his brother’s lifelong best friend told him about Maya. Apparently Shawn is very much emotionally invested in being Maya’s father figure; because Shawn had took a brief moment to size up Josh – which he felt was ridiculous considering he saw Shawn often and was close to the latter more than enough to be known that he wouldn’t even hurt a fly unless absolutely necessary.  
  
“What are your intentions, Joshua Matthews?”  
  
Josh’s eyebrows shot up with a quizzical glance. “What intentions exactly?”  
  
“Don’t give me that, I was your age once. I know how you function.” Shawn grimaced. “Don’t think I am not aware that Maya has been keeping in touch with you every now and then through text messages.”  
  
Josh held his hands up, as if in surrender, “Just friends.”  
  
“And that’s what I heard of that Lucas boy until he went out with Maya.”  
  
“What the –” Josh felt his eyes widened as he stared at Shawn, as if the man had just cursed his parents right in front of him.  
  
“He went out with Maya twice, before the New Year’s.” Shawn shook his head, looking slightly grim. “And in the process, not only did Riley got her feelings hurt, but Maya’s heart was also part of the collateral damage.”  
  
“Is Maya okay?”  
  
Shawn’s features broke out into a small grin, “Are you not going to ask me about Riley, your _niece_? I did mention that she had her heart broken too.”  
  
Josh turned sheepish. “Well, I was going to ask that next.”  
  
“Maya is fine – she’s more than I can ever give her credit for. That kid is tough with her heart, I don’t think she actually gave it out completely to allow anyone to actually damage it anymore than she would permit.” Shawn explained. “Oh,” he added with a wry smile, “in case you are still interested, Riley’s doing better too.”  
  
“That’s good to know. I’m glad she’s alright.” Josh didn’t have to mention who, he meant both girls, but he knew that Shawn was aware who exactly he was most concerned of.  
  
“Josh, I’ll just put it out for you right now.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“If _you_ ,” Shawn leaned closer over the counter, keeping his gaze steady, “ever do so much as to try to make her cry, for any reason at all, both Cory and I will be there to get you acquainted with a baseball bat. Or a shovel, if you’d like that better.”  
  
Josh had smiled – and while he could have easily passed it off as a reference to Riley, he knew deep down that those words referred to one Maya Hart.  
  
Knowing that Maya had feelings for another boy who isn’t him brings on a sting, but realizing how she had been willing to be brave with her own emotions instead of running away with them – Josh can’t help but to be proud of her evidently growing maturity. Maya’s selflessness in shelving her feelings aside when she knew how much Riley would be at ill-ease with the revelation, didn’t go unnoticed by Josh either.  
  
He smiles to himself and continues on his jog without bothering the group. If he stopped to say hello, Josh knows he will end up spending more time than necessary with them – especially with Maya around. He wants to bask in her presence as how the sun’s warmth is keeping him in a glow of exuberance, but he doesn’t want to intrude on her time with her friends either, or to risk tagging along like a lost puppy because really – he just wants to be around her.  
  
Josh sees Maya again during the 4th of July celebrations; they are all down in Philadelphia, including Shawn, and Lucas and Farkle supposedly came along as well for the long weekend. He arrives last, in the evening, and catches sight of the sun-kissed golden locks without needing to look around much even amidst the crowd. He simply recognizes her stature, be it back or front, or from the sides – he just knows it’s her when he sees her. She is laughing with Riley, waving sparklers in the air and dancing some goofy tap-dance as Farkle dances with her and Lucas cheers them on. Josh admires the way the shimmering lights bring a glow to her fair features, and reveal how her blue eyes are sparkling with mirth.  
  
His heart makes a little giddy turn, and Joshua Matthews can no longer deny that he is undeniably harboring an emotion that comfortably sits beyond the borders of romantic affections, one more than anything else in the spectrum of feelings that a boy may have for a girl.  
  
However, he does know that she is still three years younger than he is, and beyond just the concern of any skirmish with the legal system – Josh does have another reason; he wants Maya to see the world a little more, and know that it has so much more to offer her before she settles her heart on him. While Josh isn’t low on the levels of self-esteem, he isn’t sure that he is enough for Maya because really, all he wants is for her heart to always feels safe and loved, and it isn’t at the universe’s – or even the higher powers’ – direction that he is the person to do that for her, at least he hasn’t seen anything of said sign yet.  
  
“Josh, what are you doing here all by yourself?” He averts his gaze to see one of his brothers walking over to him. Josh smiles as Cory swings an arm over his shoulders. “Are you going to keep doing this? Staring at Maya from afar as if you’re a creepy stalker?”  
  
A small laugh bubbles from Josh. “I’m not a creepy stalker. I just like to observe things and people around me.”  
  
“It seems to me that your line of observation tends to fall wherever Maya is. She is the centre of your vision’s gravity.”  
  
Josh shakes his head, looking away from his brother for a brief second in his embarrassment, “Alright, you had me there. What’s your lesson for me, Mr. Matthews?”  
  
Cory chuckles, “I’m not your teacher, Josh. I shouldn’t be giving you lessons.” His grin widens as he continues, “But I _am_ your brother – so I am going to preach to you a life lesson.”  
  
“Hit me.” Josh answers good-naturedly.  
  
“There are times we think we are alone in making choices. That’s not always true.” Cory says with raised eyebrows and the smile still on his face. “We don’t get to make all the choices ourselves because the decisions don’t just affect us alone, but the people around us – the people who care about us. When we think that there’s no other choice but one, we’re wrong. There’s always another choice or even 300 over choices, but we don’t see them because we stay on our narrow path and fail to see the little fork ahead of us that leads to a wider road.”  
  
“And you’re going to tell me that because the road is wide and long, the ones who care about us, are the ones who’d accompany us on that journey.” Josh finishes, looking thoughtful.  
  
Cory beams. “I always knew you took after my intelligence.”  
  
Josh laughs. “Right, I’ll tell myself that every time I get an A in my exams.”  
  
“Talk to her, Josh. Let her make that choice too.”  
  
Taking a glance at Maya’s direction, Josh slowly nods. “Maybe I will, soon. Let her enjoy the summer. She doesn’t need me to confuse her heart.”  
  
“Don’t take too long. Her heart may not be yours forever.”  
  
“I trust her.” Cory widens his eyes, looking slightly befuddled in the mixture of evident surprise. Josh smiles, “She said she’s in it for the long game. I’m going to trust her with that. She can explore her feelings and run free with the world waiting for her with its wide arms of adventures – I want her to do that.” Taking a deep breath and exhaling again, he looks to his brother, “I will eventually let her know of my feelings, just not yet. She has so much to offer the world. I’ll always be around to make sure the world doesn’t harm her, but I won’t hold her back.”  
  
“I feel as if you’ve just disregard everything I’ve said seconds before.” Cory teases.  
  
Another laugh escapes Josh. “Cory, I’m pretty sure now that I want to walk down the wide and long road of life with Maya someday. I hope she will make the same choice as mine when the time comes, but till then, let me respect her and her feelings. Don’t you always tell them that too? The world is out there for them to learn and to change for the better.” Josh smiles, “She’s a force to be reckoned with and the world needs to know what Maya Hart can do.”  
  
Cory’s smirk changes to a proud smile. “You’ve grown up, little brother. As always, I’m proud of you – I really am.” A minute of comfortable silence passes between them as they observe the happy gathering of family and friends before them, when Cory suddenly pulls away from Josh. ”You do know that Shawn is going to break your kneecaps or chase you out of New York if he knows that you have feelings for Maya, right?” A wolfish grin is already forming on Cory’s face.  
  
“You are not going to tell him, are _you_? I mean, I haven’t even said anything to Maya.”  
  
“Shawn and I don’t keep secrets from each other.” Cory firmly says with his arm slipping away from Josh and the older of the two begins to retreat into the direction of said best friend.  
  
“Cory –”  
  
“Shawnie!” Cory yells and runs away.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters belong to the wonderful world of Disney, and the creators of Girl Meets World/Boy Meets World


End file.
